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Experiencing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a clear “No.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced submitting articles five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. During the recent two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have only increased. On average, I face a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 annually. In total, denials throughout my life number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Since, now, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced rejection.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, just about each individual and others has rejected me. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my work being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? How could editors be blind to my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at them, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Precedents

Of course, I was in fine company. Tales of authors whose work was at first declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was initially spurned. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his school team. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and desire to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and get going, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, as I reached my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission hastily to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Others are under your control. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or a part about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was annoying.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in magazines large and small, in regional, worldwide platforms. My first op-ed appeared decades ago—and I have now contributed to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept no at this stage, because my, small accomplishments have eased the jolts of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but only if you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. So what lessons have I learned?

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